I Love You More Than Ever… So Why Does Marriage Feel Harder Right Now?

We will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary at the end of 2026. It feels like the perfect time to reflect on our marriage. I’ve thought about where we started, where we’ve been, and where we’re going.

When we got married, I remember thinking, there is no way I could ever love him more than I do right now. Everything felt easy. Natural. Light. Even simple.

And if I’m being honest, I think a small part of me assumed it would always feel that way. I was young (21) and a little naive. At that point, any stress in my life was separate from him.

But here we are, nearly 25 years later, and I’ve learned a thing or two.

The truth is, I do love him more than I did back then. What I once thought was impossible has happened. And I don’t just love him more,I love him more deeply, more fully, and more completely. It’s the kind of love you can’t comprehend when you’re first starting out, and the kind of love that only develops through ups and downs, difficulties, stress, mistakes, and forgiveness.

And yes, if I were to rate our marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, just in a snapshot moment, there have been times I would rate it lower than I would have when we were first married. But there is a reason for that.

The honest truth of raising a family and building a life together is that things don’t always feel easy, natural, light, or simple. Life gets complicated. Struggles happen. And it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on your relationship the way you could in the early years.

And if you’re not careful, you might mistake that for dissatisfaction with your spouse. That misunderstanding can make it easier to stop trying because everything else feels more urgent, more demanding, more important.

But the truth is, deeper, fuller, more complete love is built in those hard times.

It comes from the moments you fought for and with each other.
It comes from seeing your spouse try again, and feeling them give you the space to do the same.
It comes from realizing that when things get hard, your spouse isn’t going to walk away.
It comes from finding small ways to say I love you in the middle of the chaos.
It comes from working side by side, setting shared goals, and supporting each other through both trials and triumphs.
It comes from being a steady, consistent presence in each other’s lives.

Years ago, while we were in the thick of it, I had the realization that I wasn’t making intentional time for my husband. He was traveling a lot for work, and it was hard to carve out meaningful time together. So I did something simple, I set a daily reminder on my phone: “Do something nice for Anthony.”

Years earlier, shortly before we were married, a church leader had given us a piece of advice. He said, “It seems simple now, but my advice to you is to always be kind to one another.” At the time, it almost felt unnecessary, of course I would be kind to my husband.

But nearly 15 years later, I began to understand the wisdom in that advice and I wanted to put it into practice in a very intentional way.

That reminder stayed on my phone for about two years. The acts of kindness were usually small, and I’m sure I didn’t follow through every single day. But something meaningful happened.

I developed a habit of being more kind and more thoughtful. And he responded, not just with gratitude, but by returning that same kindness and thoughtfulness.

That experience taught me something about marriage. It taught me that a little intention goes a long way in helping your spouse feel loved and seen.

I no longer have that reminder on my phone, but the small acts of kindness have stayed. They’ve become part of who I am and part of who we are as a couple.

So if your marriage feels harder right now than it once did, it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. It might mean you’re in the middle of building something deeper than you ever could have imagined at the beginning. 

Because the truth is, the best marriages aren’t the ones that always feel easy. They’re the ones where love continues to grow, even in the seasons when life feels the most demanding. And sometimes, it’s the smallest, most intentional acts of kindness that carry that love forward.