Have you ever assumed your kids just know you love them even if you don’t always say it out loud?

As busy parents, it’s easy to focus on schedules, discipline, homework, and getting through the day only to miss the small, intentional words that actually build trust and connection.

Maybe you’ve lost your patience. Maybe pride made it hard to apologize.Maybe you thought, “They already know how I feel.”

But the truth is that unspoken love, unspoken gratitude, and unspoken repair slowly create distance in our relationships. And over time, those little missed moments add up.

In this episode of Parents Making Time, Anthony and Jennifer share three simple phrases that can completely transform your relationship with your kids — phrases backed by neuroscience, attachment research, and their own real-life parenting stories.

Because intentional parenting isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about being willing to say, “I’m sorry.”, “Thank you.”, and “I love you.” 

These small words create emotional safety, strengthen trust, and teach your kids how to build healthy relationships for the rest of their lives.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:

• How saying “I’m sorry” actually strengthens trust and respect with your kids
• Why gratitude and verbal affection rewire your child’s brain for safety and connection
• A simple daily mindset to help busy parents make more emotional deposits than withdrawals

If you’re a parent who wants to be more present, more connected, and more intentional without adding more to your already full plate, this episode will show you how three small phrases can make a lifelong impact.

When you finish listening, we’d love for you to connect with us on social media!

Follow us on Instagram and like our page on Facebook to keep the conversation going. It’s the best way to get quick tips, encouragement, and resources to help you make time for what matters most—your family.

Easily improve your intentional parenting efforts at mealtime with our FREE resource, Dinner Conversation Starters.

Download our FREE resource, 30-Second Micro Moments of Intention with Your Kids, created for busy parents like you who need easy, actionable ways to have daily meaningful connections with their kids in less than a minute!

Parenting Questions? Email us at [email protected] (Please note, your question may be featured on the show).

For parenting inspiration, time management ideas, and encouragement for families, follow the hosts' individual accounts:

Anthony Craiker: Instagram | LinkedIn

Jennifer Craiker: Instagram

Interested in joining our free online parenting community? Send us a DM to receive an invite!

Enjoy the show? Leave a rating & review: Apple | Spotify

Transcript

Parents Making Time Ep. 21

Anthony: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Before we get started today, I wanted to make you aware of a free resource that we have called 30 Second Micro Moments of Intention with Your Kids. This is a list of quick and easy things that you can do to have meaningful connection with your kids in 30 seconds or less. You can get that by going to our website at parentsmakingtime.com/freeresource.

Go there today so that you can start building lasting memories. One micro moment at a time. 

Jennifer: I recently heard about a traditional Hawaiian spiritual practice called Ho Pono. Pono. The meaning of that is to make right. This practice uses the mantra, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you to heal oneself and one's relationships with the divine and others. The goal is to change negative memories or emotions like anger and judgment.

Into love and peace and create clarity and connection in relationships. I loved this idea as it really aligns with what we have found [00:01:00] to be the three most important phrases to use as a parent. I'm sorry. Thank you, and I love you. Today we'll be talking about how these three intentional parenting phrases can change your relationship with your kids.

Anthony: This is parents making time. The show that helps busy parents put family first without burning out. We are Anthony and Jennifer Craiker. We don't just give parenting tips. We help you become the parent you want to be.

I'm generally a pretty patient person, but there have been a handful of times where I've lost my cool with our kids. I'm not talking about anything abusive, just a typical parent getting upset with their kids instead of channeling my anger or frustration elsewhere. I've unfortunately directed it at them at times.

I always feel bad when this happens, and I know that they feel sad and hurt and that makes me feel. Terrible. [00:02:00] It's easy to act like nothing happened if I raise my voice or express some anger, but I've learned over the years that saying I'm sorry is powerful and it's necessary to help them fully understand that I'm not really mad at them about anything and that it's okay that they made a mistake.

Now, on the flip side of that, and more often than not. I always try to tell my kids that I love them. In fact, our oldest daughter was asked a couple of years ago what was something that she admired or loved about each of her parents, and for me, she said it was that I always make sure that they, our kids know that I love them.

That made me feel good as a parent. The mistake that we sometimes make with our kids is not being vulnerable, not being willing to express our emotions and feelings, whether that's saying you're sorry, expressing regret, expressing gratitude, or expressing our deep [00:03:00] love for them. As parents, we regularly teach our kids to say these things.

I'm sorry. Thank you. I love you, but how often do we actually say them? We also have to mean it when we say them. Otherwise they're just words. When I was growing up I grew up in a difficult home life because of my dad. He struggled with mental illness. He lost his temper a lot. And sometimes he could be downright emotionally abusive.

My dad. Sometimes say that he was sorry after those episodes, but I never felt like he really meant it. And that's because his actions didn't conform to his words. And so it's important that when we do say that we're sorry, or we express gratitude, or we say that we love our kids, that we really mean what we say, and that we make sure that our actions are consistent with the words that we're saying.

Otherwise, they're just hollow words and they're meaningless to our kids. Sometimes it's just [00:04:00] easier not to be vulnerable. And they're our kids, we see them every day. We assume that they know that we love them and they're grateful for them. And sometimes frankly, when we mess up. Our pride makes it hard to admit that we're wrong and we don't want to say that we're sorry when we screw up because we're supposed to be the ones who are always right.

We worry that somehow saying, I'm sorry, undermines our own authority as parents, but that's really not the case. 

Jennifer: Yeah, and there's. Multiple kinds of consequences that go along with this. But one is that our kids are gonna mirror our mistakes. So if we're not vulnerable with them and willing to say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, they won't either.

And it's gonna hurt their future relationship. So it's not just gonna hurt our relationship now, which is important. It's gonna hurt them going forward. So we have a child that we, as she was growing up, we realized that it was really, really important. To take the time to say I'm sorry to her because she was a [00:05:00] perfectionist and she was really hard on herself and she did not think it was okay when she made a mistake.

And so we learned that we had to model that. I'm sorry. So she could see, well, mom and dad made a mistake. They apologized and it made it better. And that was a real teaching tool for her. 

Anthony: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Alright, so again, the three most important phrases you can say to your kids are, I'm sorry. Thank you and I love you.

And think of it kind of like making deposits or withdrawals from a bank account, right? You have a trust account with your kids and every harsh moment that you have. Is a withdrawal. Whether you say something that you don't mean you lose your temper, you yell, or what, whatever it is that's a withdrawal from that trust account.

And when you say, I'm sorry, that's how you pay back the withdrawal with interest. If you say you're sorry. And you're genuine in your apology you're paying back that withdrawal and making a deposit [00:06:00] into the account. And then every thank you and every I love you, is also a deposit in your child's trust account.

And so if you think of it like that and you think of it in terms of trying to make more deposits than withdrawals, you'll be on pretty good. Footing as a parent, I think, 

Jennifer: and research backs this up. So research and neuroscience, attachment theory and relationship psychology shows that gratitude repair through apology and verbal expressions of love directly affect the brain's stress and bonding systems.

It strengthens our trust, our safety, and our connection over time. So when we use these phrases regularly with our children, our kids are gonna trust us more. They're gonna feel safe with us, and they're gonna feel more connected to us. So when we were first parents, long time ago, I believe our oldest was not even two years old, and I was pregnant with our second and IS.

Our oldest had done something wrong, and I had disciplined her [00:07:00] really harshly, way more harshly than the situation called for. And she had gone to her room crying and a few minutes later I went back to apologize to her. And I told her that I loved her. And through her tears, she looked me dead in the eye and said, but I not love you, mommy.

Ouch. I, it did hurt. And so, but then she just. Jumped in my arms and hugged me and snuggled in. So her actions showed me that in that moment, she not only actually did love me, but because I had apologized to her and expressed my love, she felt safe enough with me to tell me her true feelings in the moment.

So we really have worked to model this behavior for our kids going forward. And we have another child. So we basically are gonna cover all three tonight. Or today. We have one child who finds using these phrases really difficult, and I'm not sure we've come to the bottom of why, but we've worked really hard to teach him to use these phrases and to use them in different.

Situations and relationships and [00:08:00] really to teach 'em how important they are. And recently we've seen some real growth there where these phrases have actually been expressed. And what we've seen is not only do we feel closer to that child, but we see that he feels better about himself in the interaction.

Anthony: Yeah. In fact, just last night. He said, thank you to me for something, and I wasn't even expecting it. And it made me feel good that he said thank you. And it also made me really happy to see that growth and knowing that our persistent efforts over time of trying to model this type of language these phrases and.

Teaching our kids the importance of using these phrases is starting to pay off. And so it was a really sweet experience for me. 

Jennifer: Yeah, it's really great when you see like, oh, it's working. So when you think about it, when we lose someone, we love these three phrases are the things that you often hear people say they wish they had gotten the chance to say before the person passed.

They wish they told [00:09:00] them, I'm sorry, or thank you, or I love you. Those are really important phrases, and that alone shows how important they are. If those are the phrases we wish we'd said, when we've lost someone, we need to make sure that we get comfortable with them and we use them regularly with those that we love, especially our children.

Because parenting is like tending a garden. Little hurts and misunderstandings and sharp words. Those are the weeds. If we ignore them, then they spread. But I'm sorry, pulls that weed. Thank you. Waters the good stuff and I love you. Gives it that sunlight. 

Anthony: Well said. Well, if you like today's episode, please leave a rating or review on Apple or Spotify and bonus points if you share this episode with a friend.

Jennifer: And on our next episode of Parents Making Time, we are talking about how to leave a lasting legacy for your children. One that lives on long after you're gone. It's not about money or possessions. It's about something far more meaningful. [00:10:00] Until next time, make time to become the parent you want to be.